And then the albino boy said....

I am finally coherent enough to put together a complete thought. After having lived through the scariest day of my life, I'm ready to talk about it.

On Wednesday I was leaving Knoxville TN and thought well I'll just drive as far as I can tonight then I will hole up and drive the rest of the way tomorrow. WOW that was a misguided thought. As I was passing through Fort Campbell KY I noticed the sky was starting to get really ugly and dark. Now for those of you who don't know, I hate storms. I'm deathly afraid of them. Until I had children, when it would lightening, I would sleep under my bed, true story. Anyway, I see the impending storm and I get on the phone trying to find anyone with access to radar to tell me what was ahead. Finally Toe told me it was just a little storm and I would be out of it in about fifteen minutes.

That lying bitch.

As I rounded the corner and came out of the little valley I had been in I noticed it wasn't a little storm and was in fact a wall cloud with THREE conical shapes hanging down. I was trapped. There were no exits and it was coming right at me. I kept driving. At this point I also noticed that there was no wind or rain oh, yeah, the clouds were rotating. As I was saying my silent goodbyes and trying to figure out how they would find my body the rain started. OK that's not exactly true, the torrential downpour started. I got Toe back on the phone and asked her to look again. Shocker, she had looked at the wrong storm and I was in fact driving into a line of them. I freaked. At that moment I glanced into my rear view mirror just in time to see some fucking maniac going about 70 coming at the back of my little car I was driving.

I hate people.

He careened to the other lane just before he launched me into the next county and I nearly wet myself. I had to pull off, somewhere in Kentucky mind you, and I really had to pee. When I finally found an exit, and the rain let up a little I got to the turn and saw a sign that said "Kentucky State Penitentiary-1 mile". Really, I have stumbled onto my "people" in BFE. Didn't matter, I had to pee, so I go to the gas station. I knew it was bad when I could hear screaming from outside. I walked in and found that there wasn't an argument going on, but just one little old man screaming....at himself...between me and the bathroom. Only in Kentucky I swear to God.

Finally I make it to Paducah, yes really, Paducah. No where near St. Louis, but I was having a breakdown and I had to get somewhere so Paducah it was. While I'm getting checked into the hotel, a man appears in the lobby with no shirt, a big grey mullet and enough bad prison tattoos to rival the AB. He walks up to the desk and says in his best backwoods accent "I need change". For what I don't know, possibly to throw at the albino boy with a banjo he had locked in his room, but I can't be sure.



At that point I decided that beer was certainly in order and I made a comment to the clerk that I was going next door to get beer. She let me know in her best backwoods accent that they didn't have any. WTF. So I finally stumble onto a place that did, it was called the Beer Cave. Enough said.

Tomorrow I will woo you all with my report about the Judas Priest concert on Friday, but right now I'm not fully ready to relive the 60 year old crack head that invited me to go smoke crack with him. I'm delicate right now.

PS Welcome Bonnie! Thanks for checking us out.