Unemployment...or as I like to call it "The Greatest Thing EVER!!!"

Days 3 through 15. I guess it's a sign that I'm getting along just fine without a jobby job as I haven't had time to post in a week and a half. Where did I leave off?

Oh yeah day 3. Went to the farmers market, bought some great stuff and then proceeded to make bread, because why??? Yes, you know why. Sadly and this will come up later in the conversation, I have left town and some of our great buys will have gone bad by the time we get back.

Went to the pool a lot last week. Like an unnatural amount, but then, tragedy struck and I had to change my plans for the week to include a side trip home before my big Oklahoma vacation. My friend's dad passed and we all went back for the funeral. That sucked, however I did get to go out with Buda and Luscious Jackson, oh and my friends Meridith from Denver, that was great fun...until I had to get up at 7:30 and get ready to leave for the fucking oven that is Oklahoma.

So we got here Saturday and I haven't seen my friend here in 8 years, but it's like I just saw here last week. Her children running around with mine is almost like watching ourselves at that age. Truly hysterical. We spent the day on the lake yesterday and you know it's funny, I can spend 6 hours doing anything else in the world and hate it, I spent 6 hours on the lake and wished it would have never ended. How does that work?

I would have pictures, but I can't figure out how to upload them right now!

Unemployment...days 1 & 2

Since I have nothing else to really report, let me tell you how fantastic I think unemployment is...

Started my first day of unemployment by getting up and cruising Facebook for an hour. This isn't much different than any other day, but yesterday I got to do it at home! Proceeded to attended the 10:45 showing of HP and The Half Blood Prince. I felt like Tiffany at the blood bank! Does anyone want to know why my movie was better than hers??? Let me tell you. I got to watch my movie while being served unlimited Diet Coke and eating a bacon-cheeseburger!!! Beat that vampire freaks. (let it be noted that when whatever that next movie is comes out, it too can be viewed at Forks & Suites in Olathe, Kansas.)

I was so happy and excited about my movie that I went home and cleaned up the DVD mess from the weekend painting fiasco. I can now tell you that I have lovely built in bookshelves that are not purple and I have no movies that need boxes and no boxes that need movies. I pitched all the extras! Wonder how my children are going to feel when they figure that one out?

Still feeling quite pleased with myself I proceeded to clean and organize Kendall's room and drawers. I hate this little task, but I whipped it out in an hour. She went to VBS and I went to dinner with my friend Renee. Renee was formerly referred to as my boss because she was, but now that I am unemployed, she is my friend, and with that comes the ability to go out and drink to much wine on a school night because why kids...I don't have to work the next day. Jesus I am loving this.

I did field a couple of emails from my former practice administrator, but that's only because I'm hoping they will hire me before November 1st, and so I respond to them.

Day two started out with mowing the back yard and 7:30 this morning. Why? Because I was up and...I don't have to work today! As I was cruising the back yard I just giggled softly to myself, everyone else I know has some sort of some thing they are supposed to be doing today. I'm simply doing whatever frees me up mentally to fuck off for the rest of the afternoon. After a short jaunt to the office, I met my ex-husband to take the ladies swimming (no he didn't attend thank God). Came home and decided that some laundry was probably in order so I took it down and thought I should figure out how to run the dehumidifier to the sump pump. Not rocket science, but I haven't managed to do it two years, why not today. It only took an hour, and when I finished I laughed because I didn't care how long it took, I have all day tomorrow to do whatever I don't do today. Holy Christ, I love being unemployed!

Now, I'm going to drink beer and watch bad television and wait for the storms to start and make my list for tomorrow. Tops on that list is filing for actual unemployment benefits. Yes friends, I AM going to get paid (on top of my severance) for being this happy because guess why...I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK!!!!

Chantix: Purveyor of evil, killer of dreams

So as you all know I have intermittently tried to quit smoking. Nothing is quite as motivating as being broke. So with my last day of work quickly approaching and two boxes of Chantix in my bathroom I decided once again to quit because who can afford $6 a pack while looking for a job?

Let's talk about the Chantix for a second. More specifically let's talk about the other things it makes seem unnecessary.

For starters, I like beer and recently I have been enjoying it quite a bit and probably should cut back, but I feel justified at this point. However I have noticed that in the last week I end up feeling bloated and sick to my stomach after what should only be a warm up of drinking. Now this is not a bad thing, but if I'm not drinking my evening away, I'm going to have to find something else to entertain myself. Chantix 1 Karen 0 (I LIKE MY BEER)

Also, and let me assure you, this isn't for the weak of heart, it seems to be affecting my ability to, well for a lack of better words, take care of business. Look, I'm not having sex, so I am my own best friend. When you start interfering with my ability to attain non medicated joy, it's a problem. I might also mention here that the Chantix box says nothing about curing alcoholism and curbing masturbation. I looked. Twice. Chantix 2 Karen 0

Then, the other night, in my non-buzzed dreams, I went to a lot where the Home depot is only it was a giant lot, and people were swimming and 4-wheeling in it (it rained that day). I ran into some friends, and they invited me to a party. Now in the dream I had my older daughter with me and the younger one was at my neighbors. So we go to this party and I see my college boyfriend (who I haven't seen in 15 years) and he hands me a gift and professes his undying love for me in front of his best friend. The gift was a hand made retainer (for my teeth) and his best friend was Ron Weasly from the Harry Potter movies. Decision Chantix.

Shoot me.

Per Leslie

If I have to take anesthesia to sleep go ahead and shoot me.

I am right on top of it! I think I will be glad when today is over. My apologies to anyone who is feeling true loss on this day, but I think I might a little more on the "Let's move on" bus.

So I spent this weekend with a guest. Who you ask? (You know you did) Apparently Martha fing Stewart moved in when I wasn't looking. After a really super trip to prison on Friday (don't ask, it was horrifying) I woke up with special energy on Saturday. I decided that this was the weekend that I was going to finish all of my unfinished projects. Sadly, Leslie's blankie isn't home yet, and didn't get in on the festivities. So after going about 50 places to get all of my supplies, I returned home and proceeded to make three braided head band for the young one, and super kick ass blankie for her as well, a couple of insanely simple purses with bamboo handles and finally some Poppy seed bread with lemon glaze for the BBQ at the neighbors.

If I were a good crafter or a good blogger, I would have had pictures before I posted this, however since I am neither, you will have to wait until tomorrow.

Finally I got to go back to the pool yesterday. I haven't been since the beginning of June, because I have had to work my ass off to get all of the patients done before the big move/losing of job next week. I find it terribly amusing that these people want me to work my fat ass off for NOTHING and then...oh look...we can get the doses...sorry...only two patients a day...I'll be at the pool....hope you all have fun!

I'm not bitter, what makes you ask that?

Patriotism has a whole new meaning

1. I couldn't be any fucking sicker of hearing about Michael Jackson if I tried. I read yesterday that people were killing themselves over this. Is this what it was like when Elvis died? Seriously, he died. He OD'd. For heavens sakes, can we move on.

2. I spent nearly 4 hours yesterday trying to figure out how many hours I can take at Juco from the comfy confines of my house and I was impressed. Who knew you could take speech online??? Does it make me a recluse if I am doing everything possible to not step on campus?

3. It's 4th of July weekend. Time to bust out your bandannas and your "good" wife beaters. I will be attending a BBQ at the neighbors, but secretly I wish I was going to be shooting paintball guns and drinking beer at Leslie's house. Only problem with that is she hates the 4th of July...guess I'll just go to the BBQ. Try not to blow yourselves up.

4. Amy is going to Hong Kong. For good. Like moving there. In 12 days. Who is going to finish my sentences for me?

5. Baby Daddy can send email now. I know, it's weird. Evidentally the state believes it will cut down on contraband by doing away with snail mail. Good luck with that kids. I will say it's rather convenient. However I may have to watch what I say because God only knows how much other access they have.

6. I am 15 days away from what I am now referring to as my extended vacation. KathiD was kind enough to offer to let the girls and I move in with her! Thanks KathiD. We'll be there in August and really we have no reason to ever leave. Did I mention Noodles was coming too? If not sorry for the short notice!


NOTE: When I was done writing this I went to yahoo images to look for a picture of a half naked soldier you know, to show my patriotism. Well if a hundred pound asian guy pulling on his monkey in a sailor hat is your kind of thing let me know, otherwise sorry, no picture, just South Park.

PPS Thanks Melissa for fixing my 4th!