There is not enough therapy in the world for me

I have long believed that in another life I was left brained. I was a person who was thoughtful and forgiving and saw the beauty in everyhting. I was artistic and optimistic. Remember please this was a past life. I am not that person.

I see everything in black and white. Now I know that some of you will argue that this is closed minded and sad, but let me finish. When you view the world in black and white, it makes it ohhh so much easier to do the dirty work. When you have a limited scope of emotion, it makes it easier to drop the hammer.

I haven't talked to Amy in a month. I was rude to her boyfriend and she called me out for it. In the process however she said some things to me that really didn't need to be said and because I am who I am, I killed it. I'm done.

At the same time, the BD, who if you will remember, is in PRISON, opted to jump my shit for something that I said to Amy. He took offense to something that I didn't even say to him. I took me a minute or three, but in the end, I killed it too. Done.

I know people who have the softest hearts. I look at them and I wonder what that must feel like to always see the good. To put your own emotion aside and just forgive. I'm not capable. I'm not sure why, but I'm not. I have a friend that I just want to fucking shake because they are like that. I look at them and I just shake my head, of course I will listen when they want to talk and laugh when they want to laugh and I will their hand if that's what needs to happen, but I don't for one stinking second understand them.

I said I needed therapy with tongue in cheeck. You see that's the last fucking thing I need. I do not need someone to help me place blame. I do not need someone who will tell me that I can blame it all on my parents or my childhood. I certainly don't need to pay someone so that I can be blameless in my own choices.

I wish I was little softer hearted. I wish that sorry would fix everything. I wish that love really was all that mattered, but it's not. And in light of that little fact I have chosen this little nugget to share today.



I love him. Also in case you missed it, the fucking Vikings lost...bullshit!